I\u2019ll always find it fascinating how what is meant for you can simply fall onto your lap. At the time, when I was asked to review Keturah Kendrick\u2019s newly released memoir,<\/b> No Thanks: Black, Female, and Living in the Martyr Free Zone<\/i><\/b>, I was in the midst of being overwhelmed by various responsibilities, and had no idea when I\u2019d have the time to truly sit down and digest this special book. Yet, that inner voice which consistently rings true calmly but firmly said to me: \u201cOther obligations can wait. This is required reading.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n
It didn\u2019t take me long to discover one of the multiple reasons why. As I sat on the couch with a refreshing glass of Moscato in hand, my heart dropped as I began to read the preface\u2013instantly realizing that this indeed was a book written for black women like me.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\u201cSomewhere, I am certain, there is a young black woman curled up on a couch with a man she adores,\u201d writes Kendrick. \u201cThis man has offered her his sperm and his last name. She wants to be as excited about this offer as he is. She wants to tell him she does want to marry him, but not right now. Maybe in a few years, when she feels ready. She has not said this to him because it does not feel like the truth.\u201d\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
It is a situation that I find myself in now, at the edge of 26, as I have internally struggled with accepting the idea of marriage and, especially, motherhood. In the preface, Kendrick also states that this is a book for the black millennial who has left the church because she no longer wishes to pretend that she is a believer. Again, I have discovered my own spiritual truths outside of Christianity, which has resulted in becoming far more in tune with myself and the universe. And lastly, she writes for the free-spirited black woman who wishes to expand her horizons through travel and not settle for a career that is filled with limitations. By this point, I didn\u2019t need any further proof that <\/b>No Thanks <\/i><\/b>was led to me by forces beyond my control.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
Early on in the memoir, Kendrick speaks on the pressures that many black women face to find a \u201cgood black man with a well-paying job\u201d to settle down with and have children. This is encouraged by the family, who oftentimes are rather close-minded when it comes to understanding the unrestrained black woman who chooses the path less traveled. This is a life without children, a life where a man is not of the utmost importance.\u00a0 It is a life where the black woman makes the decision to put herself first. According to Kendrick, her choice to be childfree has been met with much ignorance and judgment by peers, friends, and even strangers.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\u201cSelfish\u201d is a word that many use who are threatened by this unconventional lifestyle choice, and Kendrick reserves an entire chapter for <\/b>The S Word<\/i><\/b>. \u201cOnce I was assigned the descriptor of selfish, my only recourse was silence,\u201d she says. \u201cI had been accused of the most horrid crime any non-male person could commit: to think myself so important that I would make decisions that guaranteed the person I valued most-me- would remain my top priority.\u201d\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
Of course, one cannot be selfish towards a child that does not exist. It is an entirely different story when one chooses to have children but continues to put themselves first, ahead of the child\u2019s needs. Kendrick is not selfish for knowing that she did not want to be a mother; she is responsible and conscientious. If others had convinced her into childbearing, she may have become one of the mothers that she writes about: The women who secretly regret having children, deeply mourning their old selves and freedom. It\u2019s beyond time to change the narrative that we as a society have regarding the childfree lifestyle, and the common misconceptions that come along with it. With <\/b>No Thanks,<\/i><\/b> Kendrick is providing a strong, unwavering voice to the black women who are childfree, and women like myself who are considering this path but have perhaps stayed silent due to harsh judgements and unsolicited advice from the outside world.<\/b><\/p>\n
So, what exactly does living life on your own terms look like? It\u2019s about being able to firmly say <\/b>yes<\/i><\/b> to the opportunities of growth that may come your way. \u201cIt starts as a whisper,\u201d she writes. That faint voice that forces us to question if we are too comfortable in our routines, too settled in these lives we\u2019ve made for ourselves. While many often choose to ignore this inner voice, despite how loud it may become, Kendrick allowed it to guide her, using it as a compass as she traveled alone to Rwanda, Shanghai, Bali, and more. She shares intriguing stories about people she\u2019s crossed paths with throughout her foreign journeys, the lessons she\u2019s learned, and what it means to travel solo as a black female. She does not romanticize her experiences, and is clear to note that living abroad is not for everyone, especially not those who are looking for an escape route. \u201cI am thankful that I never expected this life abroad to save me from myself,\u201d she says. \u201cLiving outside of American borders has given me more of myself, which has made me even better equipped for the continued work of self-salvation.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n
As I read, because we share similar viewpoints, it was reminiscent of having an insightful conversation with a close friend. At times, I even found myself reacting in ways similar to how one does as they watch an engaging film or television show. \u201cYes, exactly! This is what I\u2019ve been saying for years,\u201d I\u2019d say. Or, I\u2019d chuckle along with Keturah as I read some of the many bizarre yet relatable comments that people have made about her chosen lifestyle.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
It is an unmatched feeling to finally be understood and seen by another black woman who has been in my place and is now thriving. Being a woman in my late twenties that is only just beginning to figure life out, I feel as though I\u2019ve been given a much-needed heads up about what to expect as I, too, journey through life on the unbeaten path. Thanks to Kendrick, I\u2019ve stored multiple hilarious comebacks to the ignorant remarks that I will surely hear along the way.\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
Keturah Kendrick\u2019s <\/b>No Thanks <\/i><\/b>is not reserved for the black women living in the martyr-free zone. It\u2019s also for those who may not understand the free black woman, but wishes to. It is a book that will challenge anyone who has only ever seen the world as black and white, bringing much-needed color into their lives. Filled with relatable stories, wit, and thought provoking essays, Kendrick\u2019s memoir is an eye-opening book for the conventional, and a comforting source of healing and empowerment for the offbeat black women who have been relentlessly judged or exiled due to speaking their own truth and following their soul\u2019s deepest desires.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
Treat yourself to a copy of <\/b>No Thanks<\/i><\/b> by visiting <\/b>Amazon<\/b><\/a> today. To stay connected with the fabulous adventures of Keturah Kendrick, listen to her <\/b>Unchained\/Unbothered<\/i><\/b> podcast, and more, please visit her website at <\/b>keturahkendrick.com<\/b><\/a>.<\/b><\/p>\n\n